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He told them they could get on the company paid health insurance. He told them they could keep their familys where they now were and would be working on big offshore tugs. All four were interested. Pat set them up to meet his tug here the next day. They would be passengers back on the tug and be assigned their tug when they made home port. Pat told them they needed two more men to make a full crew and told his new captain to hire more men if he could. One of the new crew asked if there were enough berths on the tug coming to pick them up. Pat told them there were twelve bunks but the crew furnished their own bed clothes and pillows. The new captain said they were used to that. Pat told them that the tug coming for them was exactly like the one they were to man. He said there would be hot showers and a galley and mess hall.One of his new crew men said "I will be in heaven fellows."Pat, Crystal and Nat took off for home. Janet was still in the office when they arrived. She reported all. Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I’ll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.Then I remembered the local cafe serves breakfast until 11.30.Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door’s garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said “Darling, you’re shaking, what is it?”“You’ll never believe.
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